Today I sat an exam in health and safety - the legislative framework around how health and safety is managed in NZ construction. And it's probably "big" of me to think that, but... I ask my questions during classes - not during exams.
During class time I am the student that tutors think is either pain-in-the-whole inquisitive or ubiquitously attentive. (Sometimes, both.) I raise my hand, I ask, I argue, I explain. I actively take part in what they're teaching, and it's unusual for me to go through an entire class without speaking up, or sketching something on the whiteboard.
But when it's the end of term and we have an exam coming up, I don't ask questions any more. I get my paper, I write my answers, I hand in the answers, I leave. I don't talk during exams. I don't need to.
I don't struggle during exams because I struggle it all out during classes.
And that's what happened today. I got the paper, I filled it in, I handed it in, I left. Others were oohing and aahing, a couple of people came up to the tutor to ask what exactly he meant by this or that question. When the tutor left the room they discussed openly how confusing the exam was, and how hard it was.
"Hey Maria, do you find it hard?" one of them called out from the back.
And after I had said that, I thought to myself: no, it's not hard, because I asked the questions I needed to understand the topic during term time. Now I'm just sitting the exam to prove that I understand what the tutor was talking about.
(Two more years. I can do it.)