Searching for quietness and content

Unwind. Unwind. Unwind.

I've been tuning back on the amount of things, and information, in my life. Unfollowing blogs, unfollowing people on Instagram, deleting bookmarks at the top of my web browser.

This morning I've also been unpicking name tags off school uniforms. Today I will take all the clothes The Kid will no longer need back to the school he will no longer go to, so that someone else can wear them; and on the weekend I will try to make a trip to the second hand shop so I can - if possible - buy another set of another school's uniforms second hand.

This process sucks. Just seriously sucks.

I feel physically nauseous having to go through this, and especially the fact that I am constantly having to wait on people.

If I had it my way, I would do it all quickly and have it over with, so I could fill my life with things that bring joy instead - but now, what it actually feels like, reminds me of unpicking a wound with a blunt wife.

Wait on the school holidays to be over.
Wait on kids to get over chickenpox.
Wait on meetings with various school officials.
Wait on school visits.
Wait on... everything but myself, basically.

I feel traumatised. I feel it is going to be a while before I can look back on this experience and not feel nauseous at the thought of it.

It's the flip-side of living a connected, inter-dependent life. Decisions do not come quickly, or easily - there's discussions, arguments, research and the thought-process of trying to weigh up how any given choice will affect people that are involved.

The reality is, The Kid will no longer go to Invercargill Middle School. I've been working with this school for over a year - almost as long as we've known about the move to Invercargill. We've bought a house precisely to get in its school zone - and now we're backing away from it. I've had everything set up for it - and now I'm going to re-set it all for another school again.

It just sucks. Honestly, sucks.

3 comments:

  1. Hugs, it's hard when things don't go according to plan. Hope the move to the new school goes as smoothly as possible and glad you could get into another school.

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  2. Kurb kuulda. Tekstist kõlab niiväga läbi, et Sa ei tahtnud seda otsust teha ega pea ka päris õigeks.

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    Replies
    1. ...jep :(

      Selline tunne on, et me loobume heast koolist ühe halva - või siis vähemasti mitte eriti hea - õpetaja tõttu.

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