Random thoughts on a Wednesday

Today I drove past where a car crash had only just happened. I'd driven past the same spot about 20 minutes earlier and all had been well, and then I drove back and there were two cars off the road, a bunch of people gathered, no emergency services on scene yet. And although I thought to stop at first, upon seeing about 8 people there already I told myself to just keep on driving and trust that all will be well. I have limited first aid skills, and I did not want to be a "rubberneck" just watching what was happening.

But I still felt uncomfortable on the drive home, wondering how the people in those cars were doing. I saw two emergency service cars speed that way and gave them ample space on the road. And I quietly wished that all was going to be well.

Had I been one of the first on the scene, I would've stopped. But I wasn't, and so I just drove on.

***

It's interesting to notice what my body is doing now that I've started eating a bit more fat, and a little less carbs. A very modest LCHF diet, basically.

I have become more taste-sensitive to sugar. We went out to get ice creams one day and I picked an ice cream that I knew I had liked previously, a chocolate-coated, toffee-core, french vanilla.

But when I put it in my mouth, it was, like, jesus this thing is sweet! And I even wondered whether to keep eating it, or toss it in the rubbish bin - or, more likely, give it to The Man to finish.

I have not cut sugar out of my diet entirely, all I am doing is lessening the amount of sugar I eat, but my body has already come aboard with this habit where things that used to taste nice sweet before, now taste sickly sweet. Like, too sweet to enjoy.

And so, partially, I am lessening the amount of sweets in my diet not because I tell myself so, but because my taste has changed and things I used to enjoy a lot don't taste as nice any more. And I find that things that used to be too bland, sweetness-wise, now taste nice.

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Another thing I've noticed a few months into this LCHF thing now is that when I am ill or feeling off, I am craving sugar.

Last week, for example: I was ill, and I pretty much walked around for several days thinking of chocolate and ice cream non-stop! And it's not that I haven't noticed it before at all - I knew that during sickness a lot of people (once they get their appetite back) want carb-loaded meals like pasta and toast and stuff.

But it's just that now, a few months into eating a little differently and now that my tastes have changed, it really stands out to me when I am wanting sugar. It stands there like a big, red stop sign prompting me to ask myself, "Maria, are you alright? Are you ill? Are you feeling stressed? Are you worried about something?" It stands there like an un-refutable sign that says to me that my body is wanting simple, straightforward energy. It doesn't want to deal with ketosis - it wants glucose, carbs. Upfront like that.

And so as is the case with being ill, I basically figured that my body was wanting sugar because it was under stress from this cold virus already and it didn't want any more physical challenges along its way. I ate the toast, and the chocolate, and the ice cream, and left it at that. It was alright.

But it's that at other times when I am not physically ill, it serves as a powerful marker to me to check with myself emotionally over how I am doing, and to see if there is something I need to address, because turns out that when I am stressed, oh heck do I want chocolate!

Except, it's not always the only way forward. When the kids were doing their best at being little shites a few weeks back and I suddenly thought, "Man I would love some chocolate right now!", instead of eating chocolate I took it as a sign that I needed to find a way to take care of myself, and so I said out loud, "Hey guys, who would like to go for a walk?" And we went for a walk, and it was fine, and my craving for chocolate subsided - that basically, when I was feeling better and not as challenged emotionally, my body was willing to fund its energy in ways other than simple carbs and glucose.

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I love my kids.

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It is very hard to explain to someone who isn't in their early twenties what it's like being in early twenties. Even people who have once been young seem to have forgotten the amount of confusion that comes with growing into an adult.

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