The Girlie

This child...

Snatched her mom's cap and climbing onto the kitchen table

Have you ever seen tornadoes? I've never seen one for real - only on tv - and I know that I am waaaaaaay exaggerating with this, but: this kid can be a bit like a tornado sometimes. The determination with which she presses through with whatever the hell it is that she wants - and to be honest, sometimes I don't think even she knows what it is - it reminds me of all the stories adults used to tell about me around the dinner table. At some point during the evening someone would inadvertently go, "Oh, do you remember when Maria did [insert another story that a lot of the time ended in physical injury]...?" and then everyone would laugh, and I have heard many, many stories like that over the years.

Many.

I now I am a witness to another nutter like that working her way through childhood, and it's my own daughter that I think is the nutter, kind of like I used to be.

This morning, for example, she vomited all over the kitchen floor. (Do you want to hear the rest? Because I am about to tell it.)

I had been cutting up broccoli to put into kids' lunchboxes and had given the large broccoli stalk to The Dog to chew; The Girlie promptly stole that large bit from The Dog and attempted to shove it into her own mouth instead. It didn't fit down her throat, of course, and instead made her gag, and once bits of grapes from the morning tea started to come up she pretty much emptied her entire stomach contents onto the kitchen floor and as I was standing there witnessing the thing, The Dog - now bereft of the broccoli stalk that The Girlie had stolen from her - quickly started lapping up The Girlie's vomit from the floor and I started yelling, trying to get The Dog out of the vomit whilst The Girlie was still vomiting whatever she had left in her stomach, and then as I stepped away into the laundry room to get a bucket of water and a rag, The Girlie excitedly shoved her hands into her own vomit on the floor, as if to play with it, and The Dog was sneakily licking up bits of vomit behind her, and...

It was just one of those parenting moments where I just thought, like, where the hell do I even start with this story.

The Kid, meanwhile, watched the entire thing from a safe distance away and looked amused, and he never looked like he had any interest in getting himself in contact with vomit, as opposed to The Dog and The Girlie.

I think she - my daughter - will both help keep me young and age me prematurely. If that's possible.

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